My Mental Health update...

I've been away for so long trying to tame my mental health.As you probably know from Louises beautiful post last week, I haven't been doing to good... in fact I haven't been good at all for a while. My Anxiety is still really high but I feel a lot better. The past few weeks my anxiety left me in a place where I was feeling depressed and lacking confidence. I realised while trying to figure out the problem that I always trying to please other people.


All of this started not long after V Festival last month. I think it is all down to me making every decision. I felt like I had to do things for them and cut out my needs. I hit a wall while there of having to enjoy myself, worry about travelling home, feeling cold and soggy, picking things my friends liked. I just can't do everything when I am already in an anxious state.

If I could go back I would have told them to stop asking me and make their own decisions because it was all too much and since I have felt like my best friend doesn't like me and that I feel like my boyfriend deserves a lot better than a girlfriend riddled with this mental illness. From feeling like I was worthless I began sinking. Sinking into that depression that absorbed me before the only difference this time is that I had strength to not harm. I didn't feel the need to harm because it was a different kind of self hatred. I hated the way I looked, I hated my past, I wanted to just sinking into the earth and disappear. I cried for so many nights but when the tears ran out. I started to look at the opposites of what I was feeling.

In the early hours of Friday the 15th I burst into tears and told my boyfriend everything that I was feeling. I told him that I felt like a let down and that I felt like my friends hated me and that I had done things in the past that make me so embarrassed mainly because they all happened due to my mental health. I cried for what felt like hours and he sat with me and listened to everything while passing me tissues. I've learnt so much from all of this. I've learnt that I need to share my emotions because when I bottle it up I end up exploding into a snotty, ugly crying mess.

So from me to you, Never hold it in. Share it with someone who will just sit and listen to you. I would say I'm getting better but I'm not sure I am with so many family issues at the moment. I hope to be writing more again soon but only time will tell.

Anxiety and Depression don't have faces.Share information about them. Don't let the stigma hold you back. You have an illness whether its visible or not. Talk to a professional, a family member, a loved one or even a pet. Just get it out there write it down, Call someone, Visit someone. Do not suffer alone.

I love you all.

With Love,
 Emily xx