I try to write the happiest of posts but unfortunately this is not going to be one. I want to be as real as I can be with you reading this. I want you to know that I am not always as strong as I sound. I have times where I crack but I will always know that the cracks will heal with a little time and patience.
Since the beginning of this year, I have struggled a lot with depression and anxiety. I have had at least 2 complete breakdowns every week. It is really not good for my health. I don't really know why I have these breakdowns. Over the last few weeks I have known why I've had them but the others I'm not sure of. I lay in bed crying and struggling to breath every week. The feeling of the world crumbling underneath.
On the 13th of February my Auntie (who was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer 6 months prior) had a stroke leaving her without speech and her sight. On the 20th of February she passed away. After knowing she was dying it was a little easier to cope with however the grief struck a few days later when I was laying in bed one night. She was 45 years old and was the most wonderful woman who was taken away from us so soon.
Grieving for a loss is awful. You don't really know what to do or how to act. You want to burst into tears but you want to stay strong. It's a very difficult time. Having my family as support really helped me but I knew it was because we are all going through the same thing. So having my Boyfriend there to support me was the most comforting time for me. I could cry to him and tell him how awful I felt. I know it's difficult for people to ask the question 'How are you feeling?' while you grieve but to me I would love for someone to ask me.
Now I didn't particularly want to write this kind of a post but I know that maybe one of you readers understand I and don't hope that any of you are going through this too. I want you to know that there is always someone to talk to even when you do feel completely alone. I've been struggling for weeks now and I wish people could see past the smile to see the pain. I will always be here for people to send a quick tweet too. I originally set up this blog to help people. I just hope I'm doing that.
I will write a more cheery post next week. I promise x
I love you all.
Love from
Emily xx
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